Trying to leave.

I've contemplated leaving for a long time. To be honest, he biggest reason I didn't leave was not because of the children, it was just fear - fear of the unknown.

The other reason was comfort. We take comfort in what we have, what we know - it is how we survive.

Over the years everyone I ever met and talked to about my husband replied with some kind of comment about "how you can do so much better than that." I knew it too.

Over the years I devised several plans to leave, I made several threats to leave (non taken too seriously) and withheld sex in hopes that he would get frustrated enough to leave me.

Don't get me wrong there were a few times here and there I thought I might be able to enjoy my life ... but they would quickly be crushed with never more than a fight, argument or comment that would leave me heart broken once more.

I tried everything I could to make it work but ultimately he wasn't happy with himself and his life - that I could not fix.

Countless promises were made to stop drinking or stop complaining but those were just words.

Fast forward > It is almost 10 years to the day we met - when poison came into my life.
I did grow, learn, became stronger and changed poison into medicine.

This blog is my story.
How I got to now - I left.
I'm stronger and more independent that ever.